Update in the Life and Times

29 Aug

The irregularity in which I post this blog truly is pathetic. Not to say that I haven’t been writing at all. Quite the contrary, I believe if anything I’ve been writing too much. However, every time I post here, I always end up confessing that I’ll make more of an effort to post more often. Before I know it, nearly two months has passed and this wayward project of mine gets placed on the back burner once more.

How sad…

Regardless of the fact that I’m unemployed and have been how for about five months, time feels like it’s moving at a mile a minute. Indeed it’s been seven months to the day since my Mother’s funeral, and it hardly feels like I’ve blinked. However, It does feel like I’ve wasted an abundance of time. People who know me will argue and tell me that it’s just not the case… sometimes I can’t help but wonder if this is what the rest of life is going to feel like – a listless, floating existence without cause or direction. I feel so powerful and yet there’s nothing to really direct it toward. I feel capable of everything, and yet I don’t really want to do anything.

In my concern for my mental health, I turned to a therapist. He asked me some pretty poignant questions that I hadn’t really considered, which was refreshing, because I was under the impression that I had asked myself every question there was. I left feeling a little more broken than when I went in, but I had expected that. You can’t fix something without breaking it first, and I had spent a great deal of time trying to hold my shit together.

It’s my hope that in the coming months, things will start to become a little more clear, but right now my emotions are a pretty murky place.

Besides that, I took a bartending course a couple weeks ago, and it turned out to be way more fun than I was expecting. I thought I knew quite a bit about alcohol, but I was put to shame several times. That being said, whenever our instructor would ask, “Has anywhere here ever try a [insert cocktail name here]?” I raised my hand almost each and every single time. All with the exception of the Caipirinha, which I have not tried due to the fact that it’s popularity is centred mostly around Brazil. So… I want to say that it was embarrassing, but it became a point of pride as the week went on. I met some awesome people there too. One of which I hope will teach me Chinese, and the other who I hope I can schedule wine-tastings with. But, I digress.

The last couple months have been exciting. I got to meet a few people that I otherwise might not have been able to meet. I did some things that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do. I saw U2 in concert, I learned a craft I’d always wanted to learn, and I started my journey of fully appreciating time. Now that I’ve not been working for as long as I have, I’m beginning to wonder how anyone can enjoy even a fraction of life by spending their time at work. So much so that I’ve made myself a solemn vow:

I will never, ever work another desk job as long as I live.

 

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